After 20 years of not being able to see more than eight inches in front of my face and years of saving my pennies, and then months of going back and forth on whether or not I would go through with it, I am now well on my way to 20/20 vision.
Since I know you totally want a play by play:
Matt and I had been planning this for months, so he was able to take time off of work to take care of things while I was recovering. Matt dropped me off at the eye doctor and took the kids to the huge park the next street over until after the surgery. They took my vitals and I put my glasses in my purse before I went back into the waiting area where they gave me a valium (upon my request, I was a little nervous). Just to give you an idea of how bad my sight was, I had a hard time reading my book because it was a little heavy and kept falling and hitting my face.
My eye doctor happens to be a friend of the family, so it was really good to have someone I know and trust do the procedure (it’s my eye balls after all). First thing they did was apply numbing and several antibacterial and disinfectant drops. Once I was laid down and under the microscope they taped one eye closed and Dr. Fillmore cleaned and scraped off my eye. I could see it, but I couldn’t feel it. The whole process was so weird. After the eye was ready they turned the laser on and it basically it burned away my cornea until it was the correct shape. I could literally see the different layers disappearing. The machine is very fancy and I was told that if I moved my eye or anything the laser would shut off automatically, but apparently I was a good patient because it didn’t shut off. When he finished one eye he cleaned it again, put in a contact to act as a bandaid, taped it shut and then repeated the procedure on the other eye.
It is kind of ironic that for days after laser eye correction I had to wear both contacts AND glasses most of the time (sunglasses, but still)
I had PRK not Lasik. With Lasik, they cut a flap in the cornea, let the laser do it’s thing, then put the flap down. From what I understand the recovery is pretty painless and you can see perfectly right away. The problem with Lasik is the corneal flap never fully adheres back to the eye and has been known to detach during trauma later (like a car accident for example).
PRK there is no flap, just laser. The recovery is longer and more painful and it can a month or so to get to 20/20, but it’s safer. The reason recovery takes longer is because you have to “re-grow” the surface of your cornea. The reason perfect vision isn’t immediate is because the process of “re-growing” the surface of your cornea can take a bit of time to smooth out to it’s former perfection.
Thursday night after the numbing drops wore off, I started to hurt a little. I knew I would (my eyeballs had been vaporized after all) and I also knew that the pain would get worse before it got better. Things were also blurry, but it was a different kind of blurry. Before my vision was so poor, that not only could I not read words 10 inches from my face, but stretch that out to 5 feet and I couldn’t even really see shapes. I could discern color and movement. After 10 feet I could only see the color if there was movement! Right after the surgery I could see shapes and colors but nothing had a real defined edge. Kind of like when your eyes have been left open too long and they get too dry and things start to blur around the edges. It makes sense since the surface of my eye was no longer smooth and uniform, but kind of frosted.
Friday things were a little clearer, but they also hurt more. We tried running errands in El Paso but ended up leaving for home early because I was being led around by my seeing eye children since I couldn’t keep my eyes open. They were extremely light sensitive and achy. They also felt like they had some sand or other grit in them. I walked around in my glacier glasses with my eyes closed most of the time. I went back to see Dr. Fillmore for a follow-up and he said things look right on track and told me to take it easy.
Saturday I’m assuming that I could see, but since I spent most of my day in bed with my eyes closed, I can’t tell you for sure I listened to everything from CPAC speeches to audiobooks. I drifted in and out of sleep, surfacing only to eat occasionally. By Saturday night though, I was starting to feel better and I think I may have even helped put the kids to bed.
Sunday things were still bright, but I felt a lot better. We went to sacrament meeting, I cleaned the house and made dinner. I ever so briefly toyed with the idea of faking it and getting another day “off”, but the thought was disgusting to me. The idea of laying in bed for another day made me sick.
Monday I went in to get my contacts removed. We then all went grocery shopping and had a nice normal day. Though by this point Matt accused me of trying to give him Seasonal Affective Disorder because I still need the blinds closed most of the time. The man craves sunlight.
Things are still a tiny blurry but they get a little clearer every day. I would liken it to when I’m due for a Rx update or maybe when I only have one contact in. One eye usually heals faster than the other but I can still see just great. I can drive, I can read, I can type and I can see when the kids are into mischief (though to be fair, I usually know that’s happening when I can’t see them).
The weirdest parts are my bald eyes. I had to not wear my contacts for at least a month in preparation for the surgery because daily contact use can alter the shape of your cornea. Then something came up and the originally scheduled date was pushed back a month. So now my eyes seem rather small and bald. I’m used to my glasses framing them. I kind of miss that, but not enough to think about it for more than a minute
Secondly, when I am getting ready for bed I have to remind myself not to try to take out my contacts. I can see and that’s how it’s supposed to be. I wake up in the middle of the night and I can tell what time it is. Sometimes I keep my eyes open in the dark because even though the lights are off, I can still see shapes in the dark. It’s all very strange but wonderful!
By the way, I’m officially OUT of my funk. Maybe the stress of the upcoming surgery was what was weighing me down.
For Valentine’s Day, we all sat down to a movie we’ve been waiting to watch for a while. It took so long since Matt has been studying like crazy for the USMLE boards and by the time things settle down it it’s too late in the evening.
The stars aligned last night. I set out a “build your own wrap” bar on the counter and we had a picnic in the living room.
This movie is so good. If you haven’t seen it yet, you must (have a box of kleenex nearby though, don’t say I didn’t warn you)! Courageous is the story of five friends who, in the face of tragedy, dedicate their lives to being more honorable men and fathers. Each of the men come from different backgrounds with different familial struggles. Courageous is a great movie for reasons other than the moral of the story, however. The plot is amazing with so many different dimensions. They take the time to let you get to know each of the characters and it doesn’t at all feel rushed or forced.
There was a lot of humor, there were chase scenes (and as someone who has never been a fan of chase scenes, I actually enjoyed these quite a bit), shoot outs, gangs, fights as well as a little somethin’ for the ladies (and by that I mean husbands and fathers who actively try to be better and more honorable husbands and fathers).
Courageous is also a story of redemption and the healing power of Jesus Christ and that through Him and with Him, we can overcome some of the scariest and difficult trials that may come our way.
When the movie was over both girls asked if they could watch it again today. During our family prayer afterwards, Emma gave the sweetest prayer about our family. She may not have been able to understand everything in the movie, but she understood the feeling that the Spirit brought. Though it was a movie about dads, it has inspired me to strive to be a better mom.
I may not agree with his politics (does anyone still think the media is unbiased, anymore?) but after a piece like this, you can’t say that Jake Tapper isn’t a reporter. In fact, from what I’ve seen, he’s the only MSM reporter who will hold the administration’s feet to the fire and tries to be fair. I still remember when he called the press secretary out on “rhetoric” from James Hoffa, it was awesome
For anyone following along on the drama unfolding with the HHS Birth Control Mandate, you will know that the lines have been drawn and that on one side the White House is screaming for the “right” to “preventative care” and that this is an issue about woman’s health. Opponents of the mandate claim that it is an infringement on their 1st Amendment, namely the “Congress shall pass no law respecting the establishment of religion or the free exercise thereof” part.
Now this is a debate with many levels and many dimensions and many opinions. We have everything from “birth control should be free for anyone and everyone” to “keep the government out of it!”
For those of you who are not aware, the “Patient Protections and Affordable Health Act”, otherwise known as “ObamaCare” stipulates that insurance companies provide coverage for “preventative care”. In the bill, however, they didn’t define what “preventative care” actually was. The bill stated that the Department of Health and Human Services would later define what “preventative care” was. Last year, HHS decided that “preventative care” would include contraception including “Plan B” otherwise known as the abortion pill, other abortion inducing drugs and sterilization.
The administration promised that there would be a some kind of conscience clause for religious organizations who objected to contraception and abortion. On January 20th, the administration stated that this “conscience clause” does not extend to religiously affiliated businesses. Namely, Catholic Hospitals and the like. Catholics, (approx. 54% of which voted for Obama in 2008) were livid. They felt as if they had been betrayed and the following Sunday a letter that came down from the Pope was to be read in each of the Catholic churches across the country. The letter simply stated “We will not comply”.
Once it was clear that the Catholics and those supporting them weren’t going to take this lying down, the White House decided to “accommodate” the Catholic church. Instead of forcing the Catholic Hospitals and other Catholic affiliated organizations to provide contraception, sterilization and abortion services, it would force the insurance companies to do it and force the Catholic church BUY that insurance. In essence, nothing has changed. The Obama administration trying to force the Catholic church to foot the bill in order for it’s employees to act against one of the basic principles of it’s faith.
One of the arguments I have heard against the Catholics is “but 98% of Catholics use birth control anyway”. I don’t know where they got that number, but even if it is true, so? I would go so far as to say that 100% of people don’t follow all of the commandments 100% of the time.
Another argument is “if they don’t want to pay for contraception then they shouldn’t hire people who will use it.” Ok, so is it safe to say that you would be comfortable with an prospective employer asking you about your sexual activity during an interview? Are you ok with religious discrimination in the workplace?
Now why is this an important story to be following? Because, simply put, if the government can tell what parts of our religion we are and are not allowed to practice, than we can kiss the whole of our Bill of Rights goodbye.
Think I’m being overdramatic? Think I’m paranoid? The 1st,2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 9th and 10th amendments each have been attacked by state and federal government within the last few years alone.
I agree with many of the opponents to the HHS mandate that this is an overt attack on religion; but it is actually not what I scream at the speaker when people supporting the mandate call into talk radio.
I will let Lee Doren explain it to you since he does so much more succinctly than I would:
There you have it.
I know that a lot of people would stipulate that there is a need for the birth control pill on order to balance hormones or help with other health problems. My problem with that argument is that with every study showing that birth control is good for you, there is an equal and opposite study showing how it is harmful (anyone read the warning labels that comes with the pill?) and that there are more natural methods to combat the same lady issues.
I would also like to point out that you can get generic prescriptions for $4 or less a month. Any doctor will write an adult woman a prescription for the pill no questions asked. ”Hormonal Balance” achieved for $48 a year. Anyone who knows how the drug industry works knows that there is a generic version of virtually any drug out there; especially a drug that has been around for as long as the pill.
What if you have a job but money is so very tight that you just cannot afford birth control? See this post for some tips.
As much as I dislike the organization, it is possible for anyone to walk into their local abortion center and get contraceptives for free (I remember delivering a pizza to PP when I worked at Little Caesars and I saw a basket of condoms outside the office door with a “free” sign over it).
The fact of the matter is that most insurance companies do offer coverage for contraceptives. Why is it so important for the federal government to force that every employer offer it when only a fraction of people don’t already have it covered? If the government feels it’s necessary to provide contraception to everyone in the country, free of charge, why not issue the contraceptive equivalent to “food stamps”? This mandate just seems like they are trying to rub the Catholic’s noses in it.
It should also be mentioned that the vast majority of people who use birth control, use it for just that, birth control. So if this mandate were to stand the Catholic Church would not, in fact, be paying for cancer prevention and other claims, but would be paying instead for contraception (the very think they oppose on religious grounds) which is often sought to avoid natural consequences to recreational sex.
Lastly, I would like to point out that this is not an issue of “we will pay for your heart bypass but not for your cholesterol medication”. Birth control, abortion and sterilization are not “cures” for 99.9% of people and those for whom it is actually medically necessary, it is already covered (hemorrhaging, cancer, ectopic pregnancy). Pregnancy is not a disease. Children are not parasites that need to be eradicated nor are they a “punishment” for young and stupid teenagers. Some people see this as an attack on religion, some see it as an attack on economics and the free market (government ordering a private company to offer a product for free). I see it as yet another attack on the family.
Whether someone chooses to have one or two children, seven, 12, 19 or none, it is no one’s business but their own. At a time when judges are actually ruling that women have their children aborted and be sterilized we should treat any and all governmental intrusion into our reproductive lives with the deepest suspicion. What with the case being built against several other rights defined in our Constitution, is it really that far of a jump to think that maybe the groundwork is being laid to mandate the size of our families or who is allowed to have children at all?
1. It’s been a rough month or so. There isn’t really anything I can put my finger on that has made it rough, but it is rough just the same and it’s put me in a major funk. Maybe it was because collectively our family was sick for five weeks in a row and I’m having a hard time getting back into normal life.
2. I have a love/hate relationship with the shirt I am wearing today. It’s a plaid, flannel, button up shirt with solid panels on the sides under the arm. I love it because when you look at me from the front it gives the illusion of a trim woman as your eyes focus on the plaid and the cream colors panels and accompanying love handles fade into the background. I hate it because when you look at me from the side, it gives the reality of a lumpy woman with a c-section belly. To be fair, nearly all of my shirts give that reality when looking at me from any angle, so I should really just be happy right?
3. We are moving to New Jersey. I don’t want to move to New Jersey. If I had my way, in four months time we would be basking in the sun on a ten acre farm; chickens pecking happily in the backyard, children running around and climbing trees and I would proudly call myself a Texan.
For those of you who don’t know how the PASS/MATCH system works, when you apply for a post graduate dental specialty, you put your application packet together at the PASS website and basically check which schools you would like to apply to. You pay a fee for each school you want to apply to and PASS will send your application to the schools. Each school may or may not contact you for an interview. After you interview at each place you were invited to, you rank which school you like best at the MATCH website. The school then ranks the applicants. All of ranking information gets fed into a computer and on a certain day (Jan 30 for this year) the computer spits out where each of the applicants will go for their residency. It is a binding contract and you are required to go there. You can’t appeal or apply somewhere else. It’s done. There are far more applicants than there are positions available. Most residencies only take one or two students a year and in the morning when people get the email, many people are told that they didn’t match and have to make other arrangements or try again the next year.
Of the three places where Matt interviewed, he probably liked the program at New Jersey the best, but he ranked it last because we both felt the other two alternatives would be better for our family. While on paper the ideal place would have been Texas we both prayed that we would want to go where we were supposed to go. After months of prayer and fasting Matt ranked Connecticut first, Houston second and New Jersey third. We really felt like Connecticut was where we were supposed to be.
Imagine our surprise last Monday when he matched to New Jersey. We had talked about what we would do if he didn’t match at all, but matching to New Jersey wasn’t even on our radar. The kids were confused. We had spoken only of Connecticut and Houston and if I ever mentioned New Jersey it was always followed by “But I really don’t want to go there.”
Our family home evening that night was centered around the fact that Man’s ways are not God’s ways. Matt also talked about the blessings of the Lord. Some blessings we immediately see for what they are. Some blessings we may see as a negative in the beginning and only recognize them as true blessings in hind sight. Finally, some blessings we may never know about, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there (think of the car accident you didn’t get into because you were 10 minutes late getting out of the door that day). We all felt a little better after FHE that night.
The fact still remains however that I am terrified and I have shed no small amount of tears over this. I’m sure New Jersey is wonderful in general. I know the taxes are really high but it is beautiful in that part of the country. The problem I have is that while I have heard great things about New Jersey, I have heard nothing but awful things about the area we will be in. Newark is dangerous and while we don’t have to live in the city, my husband does have to spend nearly every day there, likely at all hours of the day and night. Newark is 30 minutes from NYC. NYC is a great place to visit and even for some people to live in, but I would feel much more comfortable if we were a few hours away. Close enough to visit on Special occasions, but not so close that we would be living in NYC urban sprawl. If we were to live far enough away that the taxes would be manageable, the commute for Matt would be really rough.
Then there is the enormous elephant in the room. I am an unapologetic, outspoken and passionate conservative. Can you see where I’m going with this? I have a hard enough time making friends with people who agree with me. I am plagued with the fear that it will be a very lonely six years.
On the bright side we are very close to nearly all Revolutionary War sites and other historic landmarks. 30 minutes to NYC, one hour from Trenton, an hour from Pennsylvania, four hours from Boston, four hours from Washington DC. We would also be five hours from where I grew up and two hours from my favorite Aunt and Uncle.
4. Spencer threw up again last night. We cannot seem to kick these bugs!
5. I hate trying to loose weight. Contrary to what people say, sometimes it isn’t just a matter of calories in and calories out. I’m not talking about quality of food choices (though that definitely plays a roll) nor am I talking about the aerobic vs. anaerobic (though that also plays a roll.) I’m talking about the fact that I can only wear so many “hats” before they all fall off my head.
I realize some people prefer the “balls in the air” analogy, but for me hats work better. Some of the many hats I wear include the maid, theologian, teacher, nurse, nurse’s assistant (you know, the one who cleans the bed pans), accountant, runner, economist, horticulturist, taxi driver, marriage councilor, body guard, political analyst, writer, referee, entertainer, child psychologist and don’t forget the chef’s hat. Some hats are bigger than others and some change their size depending on the day.
For example, somedays the maid hat isn’t very big and therefore not at all a burden. Other days it seems to swallow my whole face.
And some hats I can never take off.
Do you see where I am going here? I can’t do everything I need to do to be the mom I need to be and be great at the things that don’t have a direct effect on my children. I have to make dinner, keep a clean house, play with my kids and raise them in truth and righteousness. Those are nonnegotiable. We have chosen to homeschool and are active in our church. It’s best for our family and is what I need to be able to be the mom I want my kids to have. Those are also not up for discussion.
I gave up learning to play the piano long ago. I put it on the “someday” list and tell myself “for every thing there is a season”. Some things aren’t as easy for me to give up. I would really love to be able to overhaul our family’s diet. I hate that we eat so much junk. I would love for us all to be “almost vegan” maybe with a family treat a couple times a month.” But I can’t do that without taking a leave of absence from at least one of my many other jobs.
Which brings me back to loosing weight. The first week of my new plan was great. I was getting up at 5 in order to workout in the morning before the kids woke up. Then I would leave to go to the gym as soon as Matt got home from work. I was focused and easily able to stay within my calorie goals. I worked really hard and it really paid off. It was on again off again with illness, but by the end of the month I could count on one hand the number of dinners we were able to have as a family and I missed my husband.
So I started working out in the morning and either running on the treadmill at home or with the kids before Matt got home from work. Then the second workout got nixed all together. Now I’m dealing with trying to convince myself to bother even every other day. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I’ve always got a huge list of more important things to do. Like eating and sleeping.
So I look online for motivation and see great things like “if you are tired of starting over then stop quitting” and think of George Washington and how I am supposed to be diligent this month. Then I think for every time there is a season and maybe now is just not the time to try and loose 35 lbs. Then I think “but it will only be harder the older I get”.
Part of the reason why it was so easy for me the first several weeks was because I was leaving the house for my workout. I was going to the gym where I had a chunk of time without sticky hands, poopy diapers, breaking dishes and extra noise. I love my job just as much as the woman CEO workaholic claims to, but even she doesn’t actively work at her job 24/7 like I do. I admire those women who don’t feel like they need the occasional break from motherhood, but I am just not one of them (which leads to massive amounts of guilt). From the time I get up in the morning until the minute I go to bed I am a mom of young children. I go to bed when they do (because I go to bed early, not because they go to bed late) because I seem to need more sleep than the average person.
What it all comes down to is if I want to loose weight, I have to choose between time with my husband and family meals or feeling capable of handling all that I need and want to.
Keeping up this kind of schedule is very stressful for me and my family. When I’m stressed, I eat and cry.
So is this a matter 0f “not quitting” or “for every time there is a season”?
Do I want to be happy or not fat?
6. I will never have tile floors again. We have broken more dishes in the last year than all of the previous eight years of having children combined.
7. Jack is almost two and still doesn’t sleep through the night. Gross, huh? No wonder I’m a grump.
8. So many opinons, so little time. SOPA/PIPA, SOTUA, tax season, the birth control mandate for Catholics, the abortion pill in vending machines. I could go on and on.
9. If all goes as planned, by the end of the day today I will no longer be in need of glasses or contacts. I can’t tell you how excited I am for that.
Matt was accepted into a six year OMS residency! I’m so proud of him, he has really worked hard. So this summer we will be heading out for a new (and very long) stay in New Jersey.
The longest we have ever lived in one place is four years in Seattle while he was in dental school. Now we are off for more school and Emma will be 13 by the time we leave the Jersey Shore.
As I mentioned before, we have been plagued by the flu for the last week. Spencer has been coming into our room in the middle of the night for a shot of fever reducer and to sleep on our floor. This morning he crawled into our bed and snuggled his burning body up against mine. In short order we both began coughing like crazy. After a moment of silence he says “Mom, we are the coughing team!”
Tuesday was discouraging, but Wednesday was a nightmare.
We were up most of the night with Jack and then Emma threw up all morning.
Thursday Jack threw up and spend most of the day curled up in my arms in the recliner (though by that evening he was running around playing like normal)
Lucy started to feel under the weather (Matt left for work that morning after having given me strict instructions not to worry about the house, dinner, counting calories or exercising and just spend the day taking care of my babies) then…
I started a cough and another sore throat.
Before the sun was up on Friday I had to take Jack in to town to get some minor surgery done (after getting the all clear from the surgeon of course).
I came home that morning with a cranky, hungry, baby in pain as well as an anesthesia induced stupor. He was mostly happy once he was home in Daddy’s arms, but by then…
Lucy had a full blown fever, one burst ear drum and another plugged ear.
By last night, Spencer had a fever of 102, he fell asleep in our room but we put him back in his when he started grinding his teeth.
This morning at 2 AM, Emma came into our room crying because her ears hurt.
About 3 Jack came in because he wouldn’t calm down without his Dad holding him.
Then came Lucy about 5:30 howling because she claimed she hadn’t slept all night long.
Spencer pitter pattered in our room shortly after that and climbed into bed next to me saying his tummy hurt.
As we speak, Emma and Spencer both have plugged ears, Lucy has one ruptured ear drum and the other is painful and she can’t stand for long before she gets dizzy, Matt has a sore throat and his legs hurt, everyone has coughs and stuffy noses and is extra tired (except Jack who wants to climb everything).
I think we have set the record for movies watched in a one week period.
I have the best husband in the world who will always get up with the kids if they ever have a hard time going back to sleep. In his words “If I don’t get enough sleep, I’m just a little more tired the next day”. If I, however, don’t get enough sleep, I turn into a banshee.
